Hall & Oats? Simon & Garfunkel? Sonny & Cher? No. They're all bums. If you want a great musical duo, look no further.
🌊9🌊
Security
The irony of having the phrase I need some security echo through the song's chorus is that the New Jersey State Prison provides Max B/Inmate 000904278D with all the security he could ever want...maximum security.
French Montana starts his verse off with the undisputed greatest rap line of his career.
Get Shot Award and you nominated
Hollow tips leave your head discombobulated
That line is total conflagration. Fire flames on top of fire flames within more fire flames. It's like being inside of a lit fireplace in a house that's on fire in the seventh circle of hell and you are taking that first bite of a hot pocket just out of the microwave after its been microwaved for hours.
🌊8🌊
I Warned U
Dame Grease lubes up an unctuous beat sampling Marvin Gaye's "I Want You". Tremendously wavey. Max B's verse can only be described using his own ad lib: ooooowwwwww. His rapid fire lyrics are especially dusty and overflow with grit.
Shawty ass softer than Similac
Beat it up and send it back
French hits us again with a dope lyrical nugget. 'Softer than Similac' is how I now describe everything I see with a score under 1 on Mohs Hardness Scale. Like flour or Drake or Porzingis defending in the post.
🌊7🌊
It Gotta Be
Many fine artists have sampled Bumpy's Lament by Soul Mann & the Brothers. Dr. Dre, Lil' Kim, Erykah Badu, Lloyd Banks and Freddie Gibbs just to name a few. Max B uses this beat to share a quick humble brag about how he has done more prison bids than Robert Downy Jr. He'd also like you to know he is speedin' up the West side weeded.
Some scientists believe that tidal pull and waves are controlled by the moon. Other scientists think waves are controlled by the suspicious purple moon emoji🌚. In reality waves are probably just a result of how wavey Max B is on "It Gotta Be".
🌊6🌊
Long Time Coming
Best to douse your speakers with additive flame retardant before pressing play on this track. I left mine on the washing machine and this happened.
Max B's verse features the lyrics:
Ask about the wave, I think it's out.
Mami I'm trying to date your mouth
Appalling and marvelous at the same time.
I ain't gotta fly out to Tennessee
I dip my dick in some Hennessy
Let the bitch lick it all off til she drunk
Then I bomb her good
I'm the Black Rap Robin Hood
Biggaveli gives us an artfully wavey depiction of blowjobs on "Long Time Coming". I have no idea why Hennessy chose Nas to be their spokesperson when Max B literally said he was dipping his dick in their product. If that's not brand loyalty I don't know what is.
<---guy loves HennessyI'm probably just stating the obvious here but you probably haven't lived until you've dipped your dick in Hennessy as a pre-fellatio ritual.
🌊5🌊
We Don't Wanna
The 2nd installment of French Montana's preposterously titled Mac & Cheese mixtape features a chorus where Max B sings I'ma treat you like a lady, baby. A total flip-flop from Mami I'm tryna date your mouth. Biggaveli's stance on chivalry is like Romney's stance on abortion; very confusing.
The track also features a super annoying intro from DJ Big Mike. The main problem with DJ Big Mike is that he's a terrible DJ because he has no swag because he sucks. I'll probably never understand why DJ's feel the need to ruin songs by talking over the music. A DJ voice-over intro helps a song in the same way a drumset would have been helped to Anne Frank.
🌊4🌊
Lord Tryna Tell Me Something
You see that boss don he deliver every song
bitches they quiver whenever I give 'em heavy dong
French and Max B collaborate around the central themes of misogyny, homophobic slurs, drug related crime and drinking cognac. One recurring motif in Max's catalog of unruly bangers is his affinity towards Grand Cru. Grand Cru, French for great growth, is a regional wine and cognac classification that designates a vineyard known for its favorable reputation. Although often used to describe wine or cognac, the term is not technically a classification of quality per se, but is intended to indicate the potential of the vineyard.
Max B as a rapper has a lot in common with this concept of Grand Cru. He becomes much more of a star when you view him based on his potential rather than his actual quality. Like how the NBA is locked into the fallacy "upside" during the draft. Sure Vigilante Season didn't set any sales records, but just imagine if Max wasn't locked up for 75 years for a crime he wasn't even there for how many jams he could put out.
🌊3 🌊
Not Goin Home
I got a beautiful Range
nice pinky ring and a chain
and a nice figure girl
I'm not tryna go home
Why would you want to go home when you have that fine list of things? You could argue that Max B's whole mixtapeography is simply a cookbook compiled of the recipes of doing street shit in Harlem. The raspy delivery combined with Max B's penchant for nonchalance makes it feel like his every word of that cookbook is wearing sunglasses and riding on a surfboard. Max B's whole wave is like a combination of the comfort and charisma of Ina Garten mixed with the confidence of R.Kelly. (It takes an unreal amount of confidence for R. Kelly to stand trial for 21 counts of child pornography/sexual conduct with a minor and then put out a song entitled "Sex Genius" years later)
🌊2 🌊
Ohh Waa(Do What I Gotta Do)
This comes on and it's lit. As much time as Wavey Crockett spends referencing weed and Grand Cru it's safe to assume he likes to get fucked up to the point he forgets how to do math. And if I may make an ungenerous observation he probably was never that good at math in the first place. But, it's only after intellect collapses that any true communication exists. And the Boss Don uses all the narcotics at his disposal to collapse his intellect. French doesn't need any help in the collapsed intellect department.
🌊1🌊
Porno Star
She wanna ride that wave
She wanna eat my dick up
She tryna find that game
One can only assume that when Max B wasn't getting high or arrested he was spending his free time banging Roxy Reynolds, Candice Von and Jim Jones' wife. What a life. In one of the most brutal ethers rap music has seen Wavey Crockett compares his sexual prowess to the opposite of Bow Wow.
Not Bow Wow
Once a bitch go Max she ain't goin' back
My pimp game so intact
Poor bow wow. If his whole persona wasn't the kissy face cat emoji of the hip-hop world I would feel bad for him. Instead I'll just leave this picture here of him snuzzling with another dude.
<----Puppy LoveAlso, it needs to be noted that Max B is the only rapper past or present who could soulfully croon the phrase eat my dick up in a monotone off-key voice that makes you feel like you can still vibe with it.
About the author
The author is known on a first name basis at Popeyes
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